Haynes.tv

Did your dad ever say lets talk and then gave you some money. I don’t think so. Recently the Boston Red Sox paid the Siebo Lions $51 million dollars for the right to talk to their star pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. I think it is universally agreed upon that is the most mony anyone has ever been paid for the right of a desparate party to talk to them. However this large expendature seems wrong in so many ways. Firstly, the Boston Red Sox deemed $45 million too much for their former ace, and one of the best pitchers in baseball hitory, Pedro Martinez. They also refused to pay Johnny Damon more than he’s worth. In fact, throughout the history of baseball the Red Sox have not been willing to go the distance for their team. Yet all of a sudden, Epstein has bottomless pockets and we will be paying $50 million for a back up player. Pocket change to the new Red Sox, considereng $50 million covers about three Fenway Franks and two beers. However if the Red Sox are now willing to pay old, broken players like J.D. Drew more money than Johnny Damon, and more money to talk to an unprven young gun than a proven hall of famer, like Pedro Martinez, maybe people will continue to pay these outrageous prices to relive the dream of 2004. But if the Red Sox finish in 3rd place again this year, I guarantee you the ante will only be upped by Epstein and the owners.



On a new side story, the New York Yankess, have paid the Hanshin Tigers $25 million to talk to their star pitcher Kei Igawa This is noteworthy, because it is half of what the Red Sox paid, and chances are he will double the nubers of Daisuke Matsuzaka because with Boston and New York, that is the status quo.

Scientist say that corn based fuel products may propell our cars in the future. Well, now Wal-Mart believes corn based eye wear will propell our vision into the future. In an tactic I call, hippie fishing, Wal-Mart has stocked 100% eco-friendly sunglasses. These glasses are hip, stylish, and full of crap, in the recycled variety of course.
But what is the advantage of this flower power? According to the display, all parts of the glasses produced by StyleScience are Earth First.

. . . frames are moade from NatureWorks PLA, a natural plastic made from 100% corn. . . metal frmes are constructed from recycled alloy which helps save precious resorces. . .lenses are made from recycled plastic.

The tagline for this product is “Look good. Naturally.” However, I wonder how helpful it is to nature to mold some cob into a stylish blob. How many resources do we save on lenses? The metal in the frames weighs a couple of ounces. Is it really worth it to use recycled metal? In the long run products such as this may be a solution, however for the immediate problem being adressed by the manufacture of these glasses another solution is needed. The manufacturer of this product is looking to make a little more money for a struggling company on a small time, cheap product. This does no do much for the enviornment. What America needs is large scale recycling. Awareness and active conservation across all private and public organizations is the key to the future. We need to start by recycling old building materials, our trash, and hopefully every single part of our life. This ploy to make a few bucks only hurts the cause towards enviornmantally friendly processes.

My friend was checking his e-mail on yahoo and he got slammed in the face by this. Apparently she was a line judge at a Brazilian track and field competition, oh yeah, and she doesn’t know how to get out of the way of a javelin.

What do aliens do when they go to the beach. Well hypothetically, if they were mega giants they would be playing with the newly discovered planet HAT-P-1. This planet is huge and puffy, it would be inhabited by Furbies, if Furbies escaped from Earth in a spaceship. In fact this planet is less dense than water. Theoretically earthlings could use it as a beach ball, or well a race of Paul Bunions multiplied to a power of 10.

This planet is the largest of the planets astronomers have discovered in other solar systems. In fact this planet has created a whole new classification for planets. Apparently cosmic puffs is more than a cereal.

My eyes are gettin’ weary,
My back is gettin’ tight,
I’m sittin’ here in traffic,
On the Queensborough bridge tonight,
But I don’t care cuz all I wanna do,
Is cash my check and drive right home to you,
Cuz baby all my life I will be driving home to you.

These immortal words live the hearts of all great Americans, well just plain great people in general. I actually found the song and lyrics on “Die Deutsche (German) Fansite zu King of Queens.” Everybody love Doug, Carrie and Arthur, unless you’re not a person of course.

However, a great tragedy had befallen the wonderful people of this planet I like to call Earth. King of Queens has disappeared. On the night of Monday September 18 around, lets say 7:58 pm, I was lying on my couch half asleep from Jeopardy, and half awake from a bowl of ice cream in my mouth. And in the daze I call life, I realized that it was almost 8:00 and my best friend was about to join me. Everything after that was a blur, all I remember is that by 8:01 I was on the floor crying.

Apparently the King of Queens was not coming on that night. CBS had decided to air a piece of trash they call the Class. A little piece of me died that night, and I blame the ba@!*#ds at CBS for show slaughter in the first degree. They knew what they were doing, they didn’t care about our country, our passion, our lives.

However there is good news. The heads of CBS have decided to go into rehab in November, and new episodes of King of Queens are expected some time in January. Until then I shall shed a single tear at 8:00 every Monday night, for the only great thing left in this world.

99% of our lives today are dominated by advertising (source, my little brother). 5 year old kids are being sold like DVD rentals to advertising companies who parade them around places where five year olds hang out (Disney world, Mickey D’s, basements of forty year old men). TV shows have way too many sponsors. “Olympia Sports presents the Nike Burger King tournament of Odor Eaters Bank of America Championship at the Met Life Golf Course built by Goodyear. Closed Captioning by Walden Books.” I know people have to make money, like this site
Haynes.TV
for Example uses advetising for support

but I mean come on. We’re not hitting you with 50 pop ups per second (pups) trying to get you to buy anything from anti-wedgie cream to Japanese slaves. We’re just trying to make sure Mr. Haynes can pay off his Wal*Mart bill. But, these large corporations seem to be more interested in buying every second of our lives than on improving their product. Movie producers will spend more than half of their budget on advertising. I say they should more guns, bigger explosions, better stunt doubles, free popcorn for us all. But that will never happen, instead they will paint MI4 on some fat guy’s back for fifty bucks.

Despite the large, grotesque volume of advertising in the modern world, the most aggravating aspect the the evil world is suicidal advertising. Ads so annoying they can bring a depressed person to the edge of death, if they don’t bring the company there first. For example the head on commercials. Head-on apply directly to the forehead. Head-on apply directly to the forehead. Head-on apply directly to the, what was it, oh yeah forehead. This one commercial had brought hours of pain and agony to me and Mr. Haynes. I want to know who came up with that commercial. Do they teach in advertising school that if you say a product’s name repeatedly the consumer will either buy the product of donate their TV to a homeless person (I perfer the latter). I don’t even know what Head-on does, and since my doctor tells me I have a perfect forehead, I will never buy the item. And to take it a step further I want the ad pulled, fearing it will lead to a generation of americans that will associate their foreheads with emotional trauma (if you would like to join the noble fight leave a commment).

A reveiw of Head-On from EPinions.com

“I tried HeadOn headache relief for the first time. I used it according to the directions and within a few minutes the skin on my forehead began to become irritated. It was “cold” and “burning” at the same time! I tried to wash it off with soap and water but the irritation only got worse. After about 20 or 30 minutes the burning sensation stopped. It didn’t seem to do much for my headache either. I’m not at all impressed with this product.”

To conclude, the rich have money. The rest of us have to work hard. However, if you like the content provided here and would like to help make sure Mr. Haynes can pay off his Wal*Mart bill make a donation using paypal:

Who invented the word “yo”? Who knows? Who cares? I do. Yo is one of the most versatile words in our modern English language. It can be used as a friendly greeting, “Yo, whats up my . . . “, to answer a question in a positive way, “yo, for real,” and in a negative way, “yo, what you talking ’bout,” and with the exception of baby, it is the most common word in contemporary music. All these facts make this word very appealing to a bored, middle class white guy. So I decided to to some research.

The 2006 Merriam-Webster dictionary defined yo as an interjection used especially to draw attention or express affirmation. While this may be what some old professor may interpret the meaning of the word to be, it is not a proper definition of what a yo response may indicate. This definition equates yo to words such as “hey”, and “yes”, but it obviously has a more important meaning to the world. MTV did not reach out to a generation and an era by saying “Hey we rap”, they simply said “Yo MTV Raps”, and by doing so they reached millions of Americans.

An online etymology(the study of the origins of linguistic styles) dictionary gave this response,
“as a greeting, 1859, but the word is attested as a sailor’s or huntsman’s utterance since c.1420. Modern popularity dates from World War II (when, it is said, it was a common response at roll calls) and seems to have been most intense in Philadelphia. ” So I decided to do some research. Why did philadelphians say yo so frequently, and why were sailors and “huntsmen” uttering the word in the 15th century.

The answer to the second question exists in the Greek language. Apparently the Greek word “loa” was used in the same context as our beloved yo. And apparently when English folk heard the word they anglicanized it by changing the “L” sound to a similar “Y” and came up with yo. And as mentioned, this translation is credited with occurring in the 15th century. I still don’t know why the definition credits sailors and huntsman, perhaps sailor commonly sailed to Greece, and picked up the word in that manner. And maybe huntsman just wanted to sound cool.

In the Military sense the word comes from the danish word for yes “yo” which rapidly became slang for here during role call. Its likely the word was picked up by the British who came to the aid of Denmark and Norway when the Nazis invaded in 1940.

However the American word yo is documented as originating in Philadelphia due to a large Italian and African American population that contracted the words you and your to simply yo. Its first documented use was, as mentioned, during role calls in the military. However it did not rise in popularity until the 1970s when Rocky Balboa famously declared, “Yo! Adrian.” Since then the word received common use, and with the popularity of hip hop it has become one of the most recognizable words on earth.